They Beat The Girl Out Of My Boy…Or So They Tried
Introduction
Carrie
As part of Eve’s work to include the voices of all women who face violence, she
interviewed a diverse group of transwomen in preparation for creating this piece. This
piece was performed for the first time by and all transgendered cast in LA in 2004.
They Beat The Girl Out Of My Boy…Or So They Tried
Karly
At five years old
I was putting my baby sister’s
diapers on.
I saw her vagina.
I wanted one.
I wanted one.
I thought it would grow
Kellyanne
I thought I would open
I ached to belong
I ached to smell
like my mother
her sweet aroma lived in my hair
on my hands, in my skin
I ached to be pretty
Pretty
Kay
I wondered why I was missing my
Bathing suit top at the beach
Why I wasn’t dressed like the other girls
I ached to be completed
I ached to belong
To twirl the baton
Rachel
They assigned me a sex
The day I was born.
It’s as random as being adopted
or a being assigned a hotel room on the 30th floor.
It has nothing to do with who you are
Or your fear of heights.
But in spite of the apparatus
I was forced to carry around
I always knew I was a girl.
Kendra
They beat me for it.
They beat me for crying.
They pummeled me for wanting
Karly
To touch
Kelleyanne
To pet
Kay
To hug
Rachel
To help
Kendra
To hold
Their hands
Karly
For trying to fly in church
like Sister Batrell
Kelleyanne
For doing cartwheels.
Kay
Crocheting socks
Rachel
For carrying purses to kindergarten
Kelleyanne
They kicked the shit out of me every day
On my way to school.
Kay
In the park
They smashed my
Magic marker painted nails
Rachel
They punched my lipsticked mouth
ALL
They beat the girl
out of my boy.
Karly
Or they tried.
Kelleyanne
So I went underground.
I stopped playing the flute
Kay
“Be a man, stand up for yourself
Go punch him back.”
Rachel
I grew a full beard.
Kendra
It was good I was big.
Karly
I joined the Marines
“Suck it up and drive on.”
Kelleyanne
I became duller.
Kay
Jaded
Rachel
Sometimes cruel.
Karly
Butch it
Rachel
Butch it
Karly and Rachel
Butch it up.
Kay
Always clenched, inaccurate,
Incomplete.
Kendra
I ran away from home
Kelleyane
From school
Karly
From boot camp.
Rachel
Ran to Miami
Kay
Greenwich village
Kendra
Aleutian islands
Karly
New Orleans.
Kelleyanne
I found gay people
Kay
Wilderness lesbians
Kendra
Got my first hormone shot
Got permission to be myself
Rachel
To transition
To travel
To immigrate
350 hours of hot needles
I would count the male particles as they died
16 man hairs gone.
Karly
The feminine is in your face
I lift my eyebrows more
I’m curious
I ask questions.
Kelleyanne
And my voice
Practice practice
It’s all about resonance
Sing song sing song
Men are monotone and flat
Southern accents are really excellent
Jewish accents really help.
“Hello my friend”
Kay
And my vagina is so much friendlier
I cherish it
It brings me joy
Rachel
The orgasms come in waves
Before they were jerky
Karly
I’m your girl next door
Kendra
My Lt. Colonel father ending
Up paying for it.
My vagina
Kay
My mother was worried
what people would think
of her
That she made this happen
Until I came to church
And everyone said you have a beautiful
Daughter.
Karly
I got to be soft
I am allowed to listen
I am allowed to touch
I am able to
To receive.
Rachel
To be in the present tense
Kendra
People are so much nicer to me now
Karly
I can wake up in the morning
Put my hair in a pony tail
Kelleyanne
A wrong was righted.
Kay
I am right with God.
Rachel
It’s like when you’re trying to sleep
And there is a loud car alarm–
When I got my vagina, it was like someone
Finally turned it off.
Karly
I live now in the female zone
but you know how people feel about
immigrants.
Kelleyanne
They don’t like it when you come from someplace else.
They don’t like it when you mix.
Kay
They killed my boyfriend
They beat him insanely as he slept
With a baseball bat
Karly
They beat this girl
Out of his head.
Rachel
They didn’t want him
Dating a foreigner
Kendra
Even though she was pretty
And she listened and was kind.
Karly
They didn’t want him falling in love
With ambiguity.
They were scared he’d get lost.
All
They were that terrified of love.
